Of moms and friends

The first time my friend explained Facebook to me, I thought the whole “Friend me” deal was really funny. The times we are living are certainly full of weird stuff. As a new mother, living far from the rest of her extended family, I only wish making friends was as easy as clicking a button that says “Add as a friend.” True, the Internet does help for work/stay at home mothers to have a contact with the exterior and adult people in the world, but it doesn’t do much for a Friday-night desire to hang out with friends you could actually touch.

After getting married, I realized that deep, solid friendships were going to be harder to make. Once you grow up, time to cultivate friendships becomes scarcer as your responsibilities grow. I came to the conclusion that maintaining the friends I already had was the best option. I also tried to understand the friendships already in my life better, so that I could know in which to invest more time. By the way, we can be any of these type of friends to someone else:

• The We've got to do something friend who never actually calls to plan anything. These are good acquaintances with whom you can have a pleasant time the few times you do see each other. You may actually want to cultivate this friendship, but they are way too busy for you.
• The I was going to call you! type that seems to get more distant if you have some degree of success or failure in your life. These friends seemed to love hanging out with you when you were both in the same condition/status. But if this changes, so does their friendship.
• The All about me type. "Let me tell you all about me for an hour, about my coworker’s health history, my friend’s friend’s fourth-grader’s teacher… and then I’ll hang up when you want to talk about your life." Need I say more?
• The Texting friend who doesn’t have a minute to call you. Well, it’s kind of hard to explain how excited you were the first time your baby stood up or to get advice on how to get her to sleep through the night by texting.
•  The I’m so glad you're still my friend. These are the ones that you can call up anytime, that know you and understand you. The one’s you should really invest in for the long haul. It’s better if they are close by, but the phone will have to do if they are not.

There are certainly many more types out there, but the point of this posting is to give ideas of what to do if you need to make some friends. Being with your kids all the time is great, but you need to remember to make time for yourself too. So, what can you do if you are looking for friends outside of the computer? Here are a few suggestions that I am trying to implement in my life:

• Volunteer in things around town that interest you. Don’t just volunteer for the sake of doing something. Make sure that what you are going to do is something you will enjoy! You’ll have a better chance of finding people with similar interests in these venues. I’ve started volunteering in Film and Art events. It’s something I’m passionate about and I’ve already begun meeting people who are passionate about it too.
• Don’t be afraid to talk to other mothers strolling by at the mall! They’re probably anxious to speak with an adult too! I’ve spotted a few recurring mothers at Ross that I’m going to introduce myself to the next time I see them, after all, they seem to love Ross as much as I do, that’s a great start!
• When you do make a contact, make the call! Recently I started a new friendship this way. We met at the mall, and I practically begged her to call me, which was embarrassing! I thought for sure she thought I was a wacko and would never call (I didn’t get her number). However, she did call me! We have gone out with the kids a few times and are getting better acquainted. She’s also on FB, which in this case works as a plus.
• Try making friends with single or married-with-no-children women. Their schedules might be easier to coordinate with yours and you’ll get some help with the baby.
• Look for local mommy groups in your community and go to their events.

I hope these ideas help! Feel free to add ideas in the comments section, and please take a minute to participate in this month’s poll on friendship and motherhood.

Ban against these clichés

I freelance as a copywriter, so naturally I’m always evaluating billboard messages, ads, and any marketing material for that matter. One of my biggest pet peeves is when companies advertise with the “Got milk?” slogan adapted to their product or service. “Got bugs?” “Got hair?” “Got teeth?” and so on. Hello? Could we be a little more creative? Don’t you have anything else to say about your product that you have to copy this campaign?

In the same way, I often find myself breathing deeply when I hear other people, particularly mothers, repeating clichés and parenting phrases that I feel are exaggerated and overly used. Phrases like “You should really think about being a mother, life will never be the same…” As they say this you imagine a boogery kid, with lice, and a scraped knee holding on to her leg in Walmart as she frantically tries to make her way through the aisle, screaming empty threats to the little brat.  Or, what about “Have fun now (when you’re pregnant and about to burst) and sleep while you can…” I mean, really? It’s not like we can accumulate fun or sleep anyway!

 I say enough with propagating these mother-scaring clichés, which we sometimes repeat without thinking that “unsure of having baby” ladies out there can actually believe motherhood is the end of all social and fulfilling life! There are so many other things to say about motherhood, why copy the negative attitude of a few? Motherhood is one of the most amazing and exciting things in life! Why not celebrate the fact that even though you might spend a few nights of interrupted sleep in your entire life span, when you cradle that jewel in your bosom you wish you didn’t have to go back to bed so you could watch her all night? How do you explain to someone that you spent half a day just rolling around the floor, playing with your kid and now you are too tired to care about going to the movies anyway?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not naïve thinking you never get tired or that at times you’d pay to sleep on a brick bench, but there are so many awesome, unparalleled things that come with parenting. Why not start good, positive clichés when we talk to others? Things like “Wait till you hear that first giggle! You’ll want to bottle-up the memory and put it on your night stand.” “Motherhood is an experience that’s so fulfilling, even though at times you may feel tired, it’s worth every second.” I mean, we get tired at work, and we still show up Monday mornings. You don’t hear people saying “Make sure you really want to work, it’s hard and sometimes you’ll have to work overtime for those mean bosses.” Of course not! That’s life, what else would there be if we had no challenges, no butts to wipe clean or tiny hands to hold? When we look at the grand picture of life, it really boils down to love and family, and that should never be a scary thing.

Let’s ban all negative motherhood clichés and let’s celebrate the truly wonderful experience it is.

Grocery shopping made easier

I remember the first time I went grocery shopping by myself with Juliana. She was probably a month old. I took out the stroller, put in the car seat and headed for the door. I did not think about the fact that daddy was not there to push the cart! So, back to the car to leave the stroller. I put the car seat IN the shopping cart and tried to cram as many items as I could in the space left. Needless to say, it was an almost two-hour disaster! One day I came up with an idea to be able to both use the stroller and the shopping cart. Here's a video that explains how I do my grocery shopping since then!