Embracing who I am

Besides the expected emotional roller-coaster that comes with being a new mother, I also noticed motherhood to be a catapult of existential crises, re-evaluation of beliefs, and incredibly fabulous ideas. 

The first few months surfaced in me many questions about myself. Questions primarily about my career and my path in life. Should I go back to school? Should I change careers? What career would satisfy my creative soul? Am I where I should be? I knew being a stay/work at home mother was what I wanted for the time being, and that I was blessed to be able to do so, but those questions kept nagging my restless heart. That’s when I realized that my problem was that I was not embracing who I was, but rather fighting it and even feeling ashamed of it. I was worried and tired of comparing myself with others. Truth be told, I was very happy staying at home with my baby! However, this “existential crisis”, as I called it (maybe mid-life?) was impeding me to fully enjoy the amazing journey of motherhood. I found myself thinking that what I studied was unimportant, that it was non-challenging, that I could have been something else, not just an artist...

This forced me to look deeper into my soul to understand where all of this was coming from. I realized I needed to embrace the fact that I was designed this way, that I had the privilege of having constant, innovative ideas flourishing, plus the ability to pull them off! I decided to get off the “comparison train” and learn to embrace my abilities and talents as blessings. Soon after I heard a speaker, Andy Stanley, say something that sealed the deal for me. He said, “When you compare yourself to others, you make excuses. When you compare yourself to yourself, you make progress.” That was it! I had had it! Enough of complaining! Enough of regrets! Enough of downplaying myself!

I am an artist. I am a work-from-home artist and mother and I am grateful! I’m actually one of the few lucky ones! I get to wake up and enjoy a long breakfast with my daughter. I get to turn off the computer when she tugs on my pants “in the office”. I get to witness her milestones the second they happen and delight in the sound of her priceless laughter as soon as it leaves her mouth. 

Yes, I am finally embracing who I am, no longer declaring sheepishly that I am an artist, but proudly and gratefully embracing the gift of creativity and the possibility of merging it flawlessly with motherhood.