Of moms and friends

The first time my friend explained Facebook to me, I thought the whole “Friend me” deal was really funny. The times we are living are certainly full of weird stuff. As a new mother, living far from the rest of her extended family, I only wish making friends was as easy as clicking a button that says “Add as a friend.” True, the Internet does help for work/stay at home mothers to have a contact with the exterior and adult people in the world, but it doesn’t do much for a Friday-night desire to hang out with friends you could actually touch.

After getting married, I realized that deep, solid friendships were going to be harder to make. Once you grow up, time to cultivate friendships becomes scarcer as your responsibilities grow. I came to the conclusion that maintaining the friends I already had was the best option. I also tried to understand the friendships already in my life better, so that I could know in which to invest more time. By the way, we can be any of these type of friends to someone else:

• The We've got to do something friend who never actually calls to plan anything. These are good acquaintances with whom you can have a pleasant time the few times you do see each other. You may actually want to cultivate this friendship, but they are way too busy for you.
• The I was going to call you! type that seems to get more distant if you have some degree of success or failure in your life. These friends seemed to love hanging out with you when you were both in the same condition/status. But if this changes, so does their friendship.
• The All about me type. "Let me tell you all about me for an hour, about my coworker’s health history, my friend’s friend’s fourth-grader’s teacher… and then I’ll hang up when you want to talk about your life." Need I say more?
• The Texting friend who doesn’t have a minute to call you. Well, it’s kind of hard to explain how excited you were the first time your baby stood up or to get advice on how to get her to sleep through the night by texting.
•  The I’m so glad you're still my friend. These are the ones that you can call up anytime, that know you and understand you. The one’s you should really invest in for the long haul. It’s better if they are close by, but the phone will have to do if they are not.

There are certainly many more types out there, but the point of this posting is to give ideas of what to do if you need to make some friends. Being with your kids all the time is great, but you need to remember to make time for yourself too. So, what can you do if you are looking for friends outside of the computer? Here are a few suggestions that I am trying to implement in my life:

• Volunteer in things around town that interest you. Don’t just volunteer for the sake of doing something. Make sure that what you are going to do is something you will enjoy! You’ll have a better chance of finding people with similar interests in these venues. I’ve started volunteering in Film and Art events. It’s something I’m passionate about and I’ve already begun meeting people who are passionate about it too.
• Don’t be afraid to talk to other mothers strolling by at the mall! They’re probably anxious to speak with an adult too! I’ve spotted a few recurring mothers at Ross that I’m going to introduce myself to the next time I see them, after all, they seem to love Ross as much as I do, that’s a great start!
• When you do make a contact, make the call! Recently I started a new friendship this way. We met at the mall, and I practically begged her to call me, which was embarrassing! I thought for sure she thought I was a wacko and would never call (I didn’t get her number). However, she did call me! We have gone out with the kids a few times and are getting better acquainted. She’s also on FB, which in this case works as a plus.
• Try making friends with single or married-with-no-children women. Their schedules might be easier to coordinate with yours and you’ll get some help with the baby.
• Look for local mommy groups in your community and go to their events.

I hope these ideas help! Feel free to add ideas in the comments section, and please take a minute to participate in this month’s poll on friendship and motherhood.