Love

I wrote this short poem for you a few months after you were born. I felt love in each of these "small" things that made me feel a gigantic type of love, a love that keeps growing with each passing day. Buy this and other posters at http://www.etsy.com/shop/cootiku

Dream, plan, persist, accomplish, repeat.

Dreams without plans are like cars without wheels; they don't get anywhere.

One of the things I have understood most clearly all my life is that there is creativity in me. Creativity that is eager to express itself one way or the other. Whether it was coming up with poems in the-spur-of-the-moment when I was 6 or 7 years old, singing in the choir, stuffing my shoes with toilet paper to make them ballerina slippers, or acting, I was always creating and producing. I have never lacked ideas. As I grew, this lead me to participate in many events and to foster in my heart the dream of one day living off of one of my talents. When I was younger, though, it was easier to believe it would be so. I still have a page from a prayer journal I had when I was 15 years old. One of my prayers: "I want to make a movie and I want it to reach the movie theaters." Call it faith or craziness, I believed it could happen.

As the years progressed, I discovered that if I only dreamed or believed, life would pass me by and I would have only lived a life filled mostly with regrets, frustration, and sadness. If I waited for things to come my way instead of going after the things I desired and was passionate about, I would feel unfulfilled and unsatisfied as long as I kept dreaming and not seeing. My biggest fear wasn't dying without reaching my goals and my full potential, but rather living without ever realizing them. This was a very scary thought, one which would bring me to tears those days I felt I was getting nowhere. I was always concerned about how I would be able to make a living and live a satisfied life. It was time to start planning.

My first dream-turned-into-plan, turned-into-accomplishment? My self-published book. I began dreaming about this book when I was 15, started working on it when I was 17, and wrote out a plan to see the dream materialize when I was 24. Guided by this plan, I was able to publish the book when I was 25. It was a huge step for me, not just artistically speaking, but in the way I viewed life and opportunities moving forward. If you truly want to achieve something, you must be willing to devote your time and focus, amongst other things, in order to do it.

This journey of self-discovery about who I am, what moves me, and what I'm wired for sometimes seems unending. But, my strategy is simple: Dream, plan, persist, accomplish, repeat.

Dream: What are the things that excite you? What keeps you awake at night? What do you see yourself doing? Do you really have the talent for this or are you being unrealistic?

Plan: Turn your dream/desire into a clearly defined goal. Then, consider what you need to do to make this goal happen, make a plan and stick with it.

Persist: Some goals depend on other factors, like opportunities you can't control, health, economical situation, etc. When the goal seems farther and farther, persist!! Do not give up. Take a break if you need to, but keep going at it, be consistent. Learn from your failures and try again.

Accomplish: When you finally achieve your goal, celebrate it! Enjoy the moment, laugh, cry, savor the fruit of your hard work. This is the only life you get to live, milk it.

Repeat: Keep dreaming no matter your age. We have yet to tap into all the abilities God has gifted us with. Read. Learn. Teach others. Keep growing.

One of my biggest passions in life has always been acting, and I've had quite a journey with the Performing Arts. A few months ago, I was feeling a bit blue because I felt I wanted to be part of something and I felt I wasn't being all I could be or using my creativity to its maximum capacity. I was doing my part by going to auditions, reading books and writing screenplays (another, related passion), networking, etc. But, in this industry in particular, rejection is almost daily. I turned down full-time job opportunities because I wanted to have a flexible schedule for my auditions, shoots, and also raising my children. We lived on a tight budget because of this, but I was booking commercials, industrial videos, etc. I was tasting some of dream, but not fully.

That's when I went into more self-discovery and analyzing, by reading the book "Talent is Never Enough," by John Maxwell. For about two months I read and re-read the book, came up with questions for my life, and  took the time to answer them. Doing this I realized that I was already living off of my talents (my dream since I was a teenager), just a little tighter than I expected! I wrote to myself where I wanted to be in 5, 10, and 15 years. Then I made a list of what I would need to do to get there. A few weeks into this new plan, I came upon a huge opportunity! The funny thing was that it was obviously orchestrated by God, more than my careful planning! I did my part by working, auditioning, persisting, but He put the pieces together better than I could have ever imagined.

As I reflect on these past few months, I can't help but thank God for giving me the strength and courage to persist, even after having been rejected, literally hundreds of times. Had I given up just a few months ago, I would not be enjoying what will probably be a mayor turning point in my artistic life. That's why I felt I needed to share this with you. Someday you will be tempted to give up or to stop dreaming and planning. Please, don't. Take a break, visit your favorite spot, recoup, refocus, and keep going. Pray and do your part, and keep your joy while you wait. You truly can achieve many things if you not only dream and believe it, but if you also plan and persist.

Camino contigo

Quiero que camines por la vida

no corriendo hacia el futuro

invadiendo la impaciencia

Quiero que camines constante,

deteniéndote a saborear los

momentos de alegría y a evaluar

las enseñanzas de sabiduría

Quiero que bailes, que dances sonriendo

sin importar quién mire, sin importar el tiempo

Quiero llevarte de la mano y quiero

soltarte para que vueles, lista, sabia

vuela alto y segura

Quiero que camines firme y que sepas cómo

alcanzar tus sueños

Que te sepas amada, que te sepas guiada

Quiero llevarte de la mano y quiero que

entiendas que es Dios el que nos lleva

Toma mi mano, aquí estaré siempre

para darte todo lo que tenga para que

camines siempre fuerte

The difference between the "needs" and the "wants" - Part II

Hurricane Katrina
Getting married was a catalyst to an incredible amount of changes and events in my life. Only a month or so after the wedding, your father and I got hired as Home Inspectors for an agency that deals with natural disasters. It all came about at a time when our island had been hit with a category 1 hurricane, and several states had also had disasters, so there was a huge need for inspectors. We were "trained" and sent to work in 1 day! I spent several months working almost 7 days a week and had the opportunity to visit hundreds of homes. This was an astounding way to see first hand how many people live, some with plenty and then some, and others lacking some of the things we would consider essential. It was a very demanding job, and one I was sure I'd never do again. Or so I thought.

At the Astro Dome in Houston

In August 2005, I got a call from the same company asking us if we wanted to fly to Houston, to prepare for the relief efforts after Hurricane Katrina. Your father and I had less than a day to make up our minds. Katrina had not happened yet, so we had no idea what it would be like, still, we decided to go. Four days later I was in Houston, Texas. Katrina swept through the Gulf Coast and the whole world watched in horror the aftermath of this terrible storm. We spent two weeks in Texas, just waiting for the waters to reside so that we would be able to go to Louisiana and start working. It was a time of much uncertainty for millions of people, including us. We had no idea what we would see, where we would sleep, where we would eat. As I waited, I saw the images of the destruction caused on TV and cried in unbelief at what we saw. However, seeing it in person was indescribable.

Katrina aftermath

There was rubble and trash everywhere. Some houses we needed to visit were completely gone! The only thing left to indicate there used to be a house there was the cement slab. We slept at a fire station for  several nights, since hotels were fully booked. We also spent a night at a police academy center, two weeks in a rented trailer, and finally a few months in a small apartment in the backyard of the home of an amazing family. We basically lived off of whatever fit in our three suitcases for almost four months. That really taught me a lot about needs! I thought about how many things I kept at home, things I never even looked at or used, and how I didn't even miss them! We visited over one thousand homes; some were the biggest mansions I've ever set foot in, others the most disgusting, stinky places I never want to set foot in again.

In a way it was an up-close look at human conducts. We met all sorts of people;  some people lost everything, yet still had joy. Some people only had minor damages, but spewed anger, desperation, and pride (two of them even kicked us out of their homes). I smelled things I never want to smell again, walked through piles of rotting clothes, toys, sofas, and sheet rock, and spent hours driving back and forth through neighborhoods that had been swiped out completely. We heard sad stories of separation and even death and we prayed with families and listened to stories of grace and compassion. There were also some funny moments, like the time your father used a toilet in a three story home that had lost the bottom floor, and when he flushed it, it all came falling down to the first floor, where I was talking to the home owners (who didn't know he was using the bathroom!).

In Iowa after the floods in 2008

We also saw generosity at its best. People from all over the world gave so much, there were piles of donations scattered across parking lots, gymnasiums and churches. Once again I was reminded of how much we have, how important it is to be detached from your possessions, and what a blessing it is to give abundantly. Katrina changed us in many positive ways. After those months, life seemed fragile and uncertain, but we also learned about the will to rebuild, to start over, to hold on to hope in the grayest of moments. A few months before I got pregnant, we also worked in Iowa after devastating floods tore through the state. The experiences were different. The lessons learned? The same.

If you ever wonder why we don't like to hold on to things we don't really use or need, Katrina is the answer. The important things in life are in our hearts and in our souls. Family truly is first. Give me love, and a suitcase with the things I really need, and I'll be ok.

The difference between the "needs" and the "wants"

Today as I shopped for some things, you spread your tiny hands out of the shopping cart, hoping to grab something, anything, and hold on to it for dear life (or until you got bored of it and grabbed something else). When I tried to switch products on you, you did it, you gave your first official toddler-tantrum-in-the-isle scream! Aaaaaahhhhhhhh! I'm glad I reacted calmly and traded any way, because in a matter of seconds you had forgotten all about the first item. I did not forget the incident, and began thinking that soon you would start using the famous, "I need it" script when you want something. With that in mind, I want to share a few stories that happened to me, that together with what my parents taught me and many more similar incidents, engraved in my heart the difference between our needs and our wants by the time I was 22 years old. Granted, these are memories I often have to recall, living in the consumerist and wealthy society I live in (even in times of recession). Having these experiences altered my view of the world and material possessions. It is my hope that one day you will understand the meaning of these things, and not take for granted how fortunate and blessed we have been.

The hospital
When I was 19 or 20 years old, I went on a medical missionary trip to La Vega, Dominican Republic. I was  invited to go with a group of doctors on this trip, to be an extra pair of hands, and sometimes to sing and pray with the people. It was a short, 4-5 day trip that had a lasting impact in my life. The first few days I spent helping out in the clinic they set up. Doctors would see families and patients with minor illnesses or just for preventive care. I was working with the "urine collectors," which was already a bit uncomfortable, since I had to look at pee all morning. However, in these trips, there's an adrenaline that somehow kicks in and things that would gross me out back home, seemed less weird when I saw the need other people faced.

Me trying to help out

On the last day of the trip, I was assigned to work at the hospital, where doctors were performing surgeries day in, day out. That experience totally altered my life. I thought, "I am never going to complain about our hospitals again" (which of course, I did). The first thing I noticed was that patients were so happy to be treated and operated, they did not care about anything else, including their own privacy. Now, in the States we have many laws and rules to protect our privacy, no one would think of having it any other way, but in this particular hospital, those rules were as significant as a single speck of sand in the Atlantic. The patients were lined up in the waiting room since the wee hours of the morning, dressed in their hospital gowns. Nothing wrong with that, right? Well, those hospital gowns were practically transparent, so they might as well have been naked. The impressive thing is that no one seemed to care, even though they were men and women of all ages and sizes. Their need was far more important to them than their comfort level.

I spent all day running errands: "Bring me this," "Get me that," "Go check on this patient." I walked the hospital so many times the patients started calling me "doctor" when I walked by. That was interesting for me, an Art student, until they asked me a health-related question and discovered I knew nothing... Another thing that shocked me were the patient's rooms. I had always seen hospitals where two strangers could share a room, with a curtain in between them to provide some privacy, but you always had the option of requesting a private room. At this hospital, one room accommodated 15 or 16 beds! There were no curtains to divide spaces, there was no air conditioning system, no television to entertain you, and certainly no food service. In fact, I don't even remember seeing an emergency call button.

By the last surgery, the doctors had run out of gauzes (the ones they had brought with them), so they asked me to run to the nurses station to get some for that last patient. There I saw the nurses sterilizing the used medical equipment. They would rinse the instruments, then place them on a steel tray, pour alcohol over them, light a match and flame it up! That was it. Then, they opened a big, oven-type machine, and pulled out a hot, brown packet. In there was the gauze I needed to take to the doctors. When I took them back to the doctors, they opened it up carefully, so as to not contaminate it, and to my surprise, pulled out a gauze that had been used so many times before it had several holes in it and was already yellowish. I thought, back home I can get gauze at Walmart at 3 a.m if I wanted to. They needed it, but could not afford to get any.

That night I left the hospital around 9 p.m. and went back to my hotel room. I was starving, but not really hungry; tired, but not really exhausted; shocked, but not as numb as I should have been. I thought I was too blessed, too spoiled, too materialistic. I thought I would never ever complain again. But of course, such is the human nature, I have. Revisiting that hospital in mind is a great way to fight the temptation to succumb to my desire for wants that aren't really needs. 

This was one of the many experiences I had while on missionary trips in other countries that shaped my view of the world. I will share others in my next few postings.

Next time around

Pushing the stroller on the last stretch of the almost 2 mile hike.

This weekend we took our daughter out to a state park. A common practice for us, since we love nature and the outdoors. However, we made the mistake of going in sandals and flip-flops. Of course, the park was beautiful and we decided to hike one of the trails. Word of advice: Never trust the opinion of someone who doesn't seem to have had a child in recent years when you ask them about the "difficulty" of pushing a stroller on a trail!

My husband had to push our little umbrella stroller (the cheap kind) up a huge, steep, muddy and rocky hill. I dragged myself behind them, laughing my head off every time I saw his flip-flops and the absurdity of our actions. I made a note to self to never hike in sandals again and to get a hiking stroller. This made me think about mistakes we've made so far as new parents. Here's a short list that might help someone out there:

1- Not sleeping during the early stages of labor: This is a real biggie!! The excitement and keeping myself propped forward to help the baby made me ignore the fact that I needed to get some sleep. We were up the whole night looking at the contractions monitor (I begged for the epidural despite my desire to go natural for 9 months), watching TV, and joking around. By the time the actual pushing began, I felt I was in a surrealistic Dali painting. Everything seemed bogus and I could have sworn the mid-wife and nurses were going to perform a c-section on me right in the birthing room! Once the baby was born, there was no way to get some sleep. My husband and I would talk to each other and then say "Did I just tell you something?" Trust me, this is not the best way to start your parenting journey! Sleep.

2- Putting the baby to bed late so she wouldn't get up earlier: Another big one. For several months, we entertained our baby up to 10:30pm thinking if she fell asleep earlier she would wake up at 4am or earlier! Oh boy, were we deluded. When we finally found out it was the opposite way, we moved bedtime up to 8pm, and surprise, surprise, she slept until 8am. I also discovered there were many things I could still get done before plopping down in bed.

3- Using the wrong tools for certain activities: The clearest example of this was the hike I described earlier. Make sure that if you're going to do something, you have the right tools. I walked for months pushing the heavy, travel-system stroller until a neighbor showed me how easy it was to push a walking one. Nonetheless, I made the same mistake twice.

I'm sure there are more lessons learned in this past year and a half, but I don't want to spoil your learning experience, you'll figure them out soon enough!

The entrepreneur

Had I known what I know now a few years ago, I would have known that being self-employed was an almost inevitable thing in my life. Of course, it would have spared me from a lot of "What do I do with my life" crises. After being self-employed for the last five years of my life, I finally realized that this is not a phase, but the blessed pattern for years to come. Blessed because I am one of the few women who can bake the pie and eat it too! I get to work from home and take care of my baby. As I reflect on the decisions and journeys that led me here, stories of my entrepreneurial spirit come to mind. My first business was when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade! Here's a list of businesses I had as a child:

elmundodelreciclaje.blogspot.com

1- Telephone cord jewelry: I grew up in a small town, where my parents felt safe letting us play on the streets and riding our bicycles around the subdivision. One of the advantages to that was that I was comfortable offering my products to neighbors and strangers alike. What were my products? Well, before there were cell phones, we had phones with cords (cables) long, long cords that you could pull around the house so that you could move freely while still talking. Those cords were a series of wires individually covered with colorful plastic. If you had extra telephone cord, you could take out those wires and make some really cool jewelry. We spent hours working on bracelets, necklaces and rings. The rings would have some of the wires curled up with a screw! Those were such eye-poking hazards! It was good business! We went around the houses offering our "amazing" jewelry and people actually bought them. Since I was financially ignorant, all that money went right into the pockets of the candy store owner.

2- Christmas caroling: One Christmas, my cousins, my siblings and I went house by house caroling (loudly) to all the neighbors. We each had a noise-making contraption, not necessarily called instrument, and one of us carried the cup we used for "donations!" We sang, employed puppy-dog faces, and waited for the clinking sound of coins in our cup. Some people even gave us dollar bills, probably to make us shut up and go away...

3- Pro-bono private investigator: I also had my share of prospective businesses I could have developed further if I had known there were clients out there. Our two-story home provided the perfect vintage point for watching the "drug dealers" my friends and I saw just sitting at the nearby bleachers. Granted, we never saw any drugs, but we sure had some good suspicions. We were brave! We used our garage-sale walkie talkies--the ones you had to tape together to keep the battery from falling out--our imaginations, and our note pads to keep record of all we saw in case the police needed any of our reports.

Dressed up for our first and only gig

4- Klowns Unlimited: This was by far the worst idea. A good friend of mine and I decided that we were silly enough to try to package ourselves as official birthday clowns. We spent so many hours developing our business plan, a good 5 or 6. We probably spent more time coming up with the clown names, which also did not pay off. We both had names that started with the letter K, so we looked in a dictionary for words with K that sounded clownish. Good grief! I ended up as Kibitz and my friend took Keenly. The business name: Klowns Unlimited (gag). I invested in a magic kit, my mom made our costumes, including cardboard and foam shoes (which we stapled together...), we bought wigs, clown makeup and noses, and topped the outfit  with hats we already had. Our marketing plan was, well, I don't think it even counts as marketing... We took a binder, yes, a school binder, and wrote our business name on white paper. Then we carried that tiny paper hanging on the binder around all the subdivision (the same one that had seen my successful phone cord jewelry phenomenon) hoping to get seen by clueless parents who would pay to have such clowns perform at their kids b-day parties. The worst part of all of this story, is that I was almost 15 years old! We did get one client, but we didn't charge him because we were trying to get the word out about our business (another marvelous marketing strategy). Plus, we had issues at that party with our shoes. Remember the staples? Yes, our feet do too. After that exhausting day, I got hired  for another b-day party for a whopping $10. After that, we closed the business.

5- Stationary sales: I don't remember the name of the company, but I sold stationary and tin cans filled with peanut brittle quite a few times. Raised in a Hispanic culture, I have no clue how I sold so much from that magazine, which had nothing to do with my Latino society. What was the name of that company?

6- Surfer jewelry: When I was a teenager, I went back to the jewelry business, this time selling necklaces made with actual beads. There was a "surfer fashion" moment going on in my island at the time and I took good advantage of the opportunity. We called them "pucas." I also explored paper beads. I was really devoted for some time...

Of course I also sold candy bars several times and in my college years I had my share of garage sales to pay for summer trips. All in all, I've been business-oriented for many years and I'm glad it's finally paying off! I would certainly have it no other way.

My first day of school

 All rights reserved Rebeca Falcó

As I try to think back to my first childhood memories, the one I remember most vividly is my first day of school. My father adds things to my story that I do not remember, probably because of the events that occurred that early August morning, back in the 80's. Mom tells me that when I was a year old, I was already speaking in sentences, that I was very independent and wanted to do everything the way my older siblings did. I was so ready to go to school. "When the teacher asks me how much is 1 + 1, I'll say 2! When she asks me how much is 2 + 2, I'll say 4!" Dad says that's all I talked about. Well, the big day arrived and I remember walking past iron gates on my way to the classroom, which was at the end of the hallway. There was a group of "older kids," who back then seemed like high-schoolers to me, hanging around the hallway; now I realize they were probably third-graders. All of a sudden I felt something fall on my ankles. To my surprise and embarrassment, my panties had dropped! How or why I was wearing bigger-than-normal panties to kindergarten is beyond me! All I know is that image will be forever etched in my mind. I reacted quickly and covered up the situation with my red with blue straps book bag .

What I did next was nothing short of genius for my age. I grabbed the panties with my right hand and my book bag with the left one. Then, in perfectly synchronized increments, I proceeded to put my panties back in place, while covering the entire spectacle with my red bag. I spent the rest of the day with one hand on my hip, holding my panties in place! I remember nothing else, except how easy it was going to the bathroom, since all I had to do was open my tightly-clutched hand to release the free spirited panties. Why this did not happen before I left the house or got to school will forever be a conundrum. Maybe I had a wedgy holding it in place!

According to my father, other memorable things happened that day. I was not very happy when I got home and when he asked me if I liked it I said, "It's horrible! The teacher didn't ask me how much 1 + 1 was or anything else! All she did was tell me to be quite all day!" Apparently, my chatty personality was not affected by my lack of underwear etiquette.

Keeping it simple

I just watched the movie "Motherhood" with Uma Thurman, and my mind has a gazillion thoughts. I guess when you become a mother, it's normal to compare mothering styles, which is exactly what I did as I was watching. My main thought as soon as the movie started was "Good grief! What a mess!" And, quite frankly, that feeling lasted throughout the entire film. It got me thinking about how sometimes we make motherhood more complicated by not keeping our life simple. Is there really any need for us to have the house fully decorated and with all sorts of choking hazards lying around? Could we learn to live with the essential things in order to worry less and have more time to enjoy our kids? I propose we do. In fact, if someone were to ask me right now what would be my best advice for a new mother, I would have to say: Keep it simple. 

What does simple look like?

• Get rid of things you have around the house that you never, or very rarely use. The point is that you will have walking/running space to play with your kids.
• Let some balls drop. You can't juggle everything in life.
• Establish realistic goals. Don't wait until the day of the birthday party to actually buy and prepare the birthday goodies (as seen on the above referenced movie). If you know it's coming, plan ahead.
• Donate the clothes your child has outgrown. If you're having more kids, keep a few items, but don't over do it. You know you'll have more than enough when the other baby comes and there's no way to predict the gender anyway.
• Baby-proof as best as you can. My husband took care of the few things we have around the house, and now I can sit at my computer, while my baby plays in her room, confident that there's nothing hazardous in her path. It really is liberating.
• Don't empty your home's contents into your car.
• Fight the temptation to want to control everything.
• Make all efforts to establish routines with your child. Nap time and sleep time offer great opportunities to catch up on things you need to do. Of course, make sure you are resting too.
• If you are feeling overwhelmed, go outside on a clear night, lie on the floor, look up at the stars, and pray.
• Consider making career or lifestyle changes if you are at a breaking point. Motherhood is a gift and it's up to you to look for ways to enjoy it the most.

Technology and parenting

The moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew how I was going to break the news to my parents. I bought a unisex onesie and called my parents through my web cam. Since the news coincided with my anniversary, I told them I wanted to show them what my husband had gotten me as a present, and then pulled out the onesie. They were stunned! And even though they were thousands of miles away, I was able to enjoy their reactions as if they were right in front of me. Technology.

Lately I have been wondering if all this technology we have actually makes parenting easier. Just a few years ago women did not have the possibility of knowing the gender of their baby until they were actually born. If you had relatives living far away, you had to write a letter to let them know you were pregnant or make a quick, expensive long-distance phone call.

We 21^st century mothers have a lot of goodies that make motherhood even more thrilling. Does it make our lives easier? I think in many ways it does. For those of us who chose to find out what we were having, it made preparing the nursery and buying clothes easier. Our digital cameras and computers, make capturing memories easier; we could take daily videos of how our kids grow! I remember when I was little, it sometimes took us years to get films developed! Now we can even send photos and videos through our phones! And Facebook has allowed us to share our wonderful journey with friends and relatives in amazing ways. How many of us gave birth with our laptops by our beds, having someone update our status every minute of labor?:

    “Relaxing after finally getting the epidural! I should have done this before!”  6 hours ago.

    “Baby’s coming any minute!”  20 minutes ago.

    “She’s here! Weight: xx, length: xx! So exciting.” 1 second ago.  

People expected a photo immediately, and we were excited to post it and read the 59 comments it had a minute later. Is this wacky or what? In fact, if we wanted to, we could transmit our labor experience live over-the-internet! And motherhood must certainly be a little easier with online banking. If we still had to physically go pay our bills, what time would there be left for anything else? Can you imagine how crazy those lines full of moms with kids would be? And who has time to go buy diapers? You can get them and anything else online. Can you imagine giving birth back in the 18^th century? And then going through all those changes without having a babycenter.com to consult in case of a question? What about WebMD? Remember when you had to look up info in an encyclopedia?

Yes, I am convinced, motherhood is easier these days (answer the poll on the right to share your opinion). However, I think raising a child well, is a universal, never-changing challenge. Technology helps us (hopefully) make more of the time we are given, but all over the world mothers and fathers are learning each day how to love their kids better, how to discipline them, and how to best teach them to live in this world. That was the case 200 years ago and still is today. We are fortunate to be living in times where experiences seem to be enhanced with our ever-increasing amount of gadgets. My goal is to make these tools work for me as it relates to my mission in raising my kids, without letting them pull me away from the joy that can come from listening to my children laughing as they enjoy an afternoon swinging on a tire dangling from a tree in our backyard…

…and then tweet about it!

Of moms and friends

The first time my friend explained Facebook to me, I thought the whole “Friend me” deal was really funny. The times we are living are certainly full of weird stuff. As a new mother, living far from the rest of her extended family, I only wish making friends was as easy as clicking a button that says “Add as a friend.” True, the Internet does help for work/stay at home mothers to have a contact with the exterior and adult people in the world, but it doesn’t do much for a Friday-night desire to hang out with friends you could actually touch.

After getting married, I realized that deep, solid friendships were going to be harder to make. Once you grow up, time to cultivate friendships becomes scarcer as your responsibilities grow. I came to the conclusion that maintaining the friends I already had was the best option. I also tried to understand the friendships already in my life better, so that I could know in which to invest more time. By the way, we can be any of these type of friends to someone else:

• The We've got to do something friend who never actually calls to plan anything. These are good acquaintances with whom you can have a pleasant time the few times you do see each other. You may actually want to cultivate this friendship, but they are way too busy for you.
• The I was going to call you! type that seems to get more distant if you have some degree of success or failure in your life. These friends seemed to love hanging out with you when you were both in the same condition/status. But if this changes, so does their friendship.
• The All about me type. "Let me tell you all about me for an hour, about my coworker’s health history, my friend’s friend’s fourth-grader’s teacher… and then I’ll hang up when you want to talk about your life." Need I say more?
• The Texting friend who doesn’t have a minute to call you. Well, it’s kind of hard to explain how excited you were the first time your baby stood up or to get advice on how to get her to sleep through the night by texting.
•  The I’m so glad you're still my friend. These are the ones that you can call up anytime, that know you and understand you. The one’s you should really invest in for the long haul. It’s better if they are close by, but the phone will have to do if they are not.

There are certainly many more types out there, but the point of this posting is to give ideas of what to do if you need to make some friends. Being with your kids all the time is great, but you need to remember to make time for yourself too. So, what can you do if you are looking for friends outside of the computer? Here are a few suggestions that I am trying to implement in my life:

• Volunteer in things around town that interest you. Don’t just volunteer for the sake of doing something. Make sure that what you are going to do is something you will enjoy! You’ll have a better chance of finding people with similar interests in these venues. I’ve started volunteering in Film and Art events. It’s something I’m passionate about and I’ve already begun meeting people who are passionate about it too.
• Don’t be afraid to talk to other mothers strolling by at the mall! They’re probably anxious to speak with an adult too! I’ve spotted a few recurring mothers at Ross that I’m going to introduce myself to the next time I see them, after all, they seem to love Ross as much as I do, that’s a great start!
• When you do make a contact, make the call! Recently I started a new friendship this way. We met at the mall, and I practically begged her to call me, which was embarrassing! I thought for sure she thought I was a wacko and would never call (I didn’t get her number). However, she did call me! We have gone out with the kids a few times and are getting better acquainted. She’s also on FB, which in this case works as a plus.
• Try making friends with single or married-with-no-children women. Their schedules might be easier to coordinate with yours and you’ll get some help with the baby.
• Look for local mommy groups in your community and go to their events.

I hope these ideas help! Feel free to add ideas in the comments section, and please take a minute to participate in this month’s poll on friendship and motherhood.

Ban against these clichés

I freelance as a copywriter, so naturally I’m always evaluating billboard messages, ads, and any marketing material for that matter. One of my biggest pet peeves is when companies advertise with the “Got milk?” slogan adapted to their product or service. “Got bugs?” “Got hair?” “Got teeth?” and so on. Hello? Could we be a little more creative? Don’t you have anything else to say about your product that you have to copy this campaign?

In the same way, I often find myself breathing deeply when I hear other people, particularly mothers, repeating clichés and parenting phrases that I feel are exaggerated and overly used. Phrases like “You should really think about being a mother, life will never be the same…” As they say this you imagine a boogery kid, with lice, and a scraped knee holding on to her leg in Walmart as she frantically tries to make her way through the aisle, screaming empty threats to the little brat.  Or, what about “Have fun now (when you’re pregnant and about to burst) and sleep while you can…” I mean, really? It’s not like we can accumulate fun or sleep anyway!

 I say enough with propagating these mother-scaring clichés, which we sometimes repeat without thinking that “unsure of having baby” ladies out there can actually believe motherhood is the end of all social and fulfilling life! There are so many other things to say about motherhood, why copy the negative attitude of a few? Motherhood is one of the most amazing and exciting things in life! Why not celebrate the fact that even though you might spend a few nights of interrupted sleep in your entire life span, when you cradle that jewel in your bosom you wish you didn’t have to go back to bed so you could watch her all night? How do you explain to someone that you spent half a day just rolling around the floor, playing with your kid and now you are too tired to care about going to the movies anyway?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not naïve thinking you never get tired or that at times you’d pay to sleep on a brick bench, but there are so many awesome, unparalleled things that come with parenting. Why not start good, positive clichés when we talk to others? Things like “Wait till you hear that first giggle! You’ll want to bottle-up the memory and put it on your night stand.” “Motherhood is an experience that’s so fulfilling, even though at times you may feel tired, it’s worth every second.” I mean, we get tired at work, and we still show up Monday mornings. You don’t hear people saying “Make sure you really want to work, it’s hard and sometimes you’ll have to work overtime for those mean bosses.” Of course not! That’s life, what else would there be if we had no challenges, no butts to wipe clean or tiny hands to hold? When we look at the grand picture of life, it really boils down to love and family, and that should never be a scary thing.

Let’s ban all negative motherhood clichés and let’s celebrate the truly wonderful experience it is.

Grocery shopping made easier

I remember the first time I went grocery shopping by myself with Juliana. She was probably a month old. I took out the stroller, put in the car seat and headed for the door. I did not think about the fact that daddy was not there to push the cart! So, back to the car to leave the stroller. I put the car seat IN the shopping cart and tried to cram as many items as I could in the space left. Needless to say, it was an almost two-hour disaster! One day I came up with an idea to be able to both use the stroller and the shopping cart. Here's a video that explains how I do my grocery shopping since then!

Lessons learned so far

I would have never imagined how much I would enjoy being a mother! In just a few months I have learned a lot of things. Here's a few:

1- You can't push a stroller and a shopping cart at the same time, without bumping into several aisles, squishing a few toes, and catching a few smirks on judgmental observers.

2- Putting the baby to sleep early will not cause her to wake up earlier. Doing so may also allow you to have some time alone with hubby.

3- Keeping track of shapes, colors and even the smell of poop is completely normal. You just might never be able to eat “hummus” again without laughing to yourself…

4- Know that extra pair of hands you’ve always wanted? They’re called feet.

5- You’ll never think song-writers have an easy job. It’s amazing how few words that rhyme with baby you can come up with in a crucial moment!

6- You should write down the dates of milestones right away, even if they happen on such memorable days as Christmas…or was that New Years?

7- If you need to find out where your floor squeaks, wait till your baby’s sleeping. You’ll find it right away!

8- An .89 cent burrito from Taco Bell tastes like glory to a busy, not-in-the-mood-to-cook mom.

9- You must go to the bathroom several times before doing the groceries with the baby.

10- Breastfeeding was one of God’s most amazing ideas!

Embracing who I am

Besides the expected emotional roller-coaster that comes with being a new mother, I also noticed motherhood to be a catapult of existential crises, re-evaluation of beliefs, and incredibly fabulous ideas. 

The first few months surfaced in me many questions about myself. Questions primarily about my career and my path in life. Should I go back to school? Should I change careers? What career would satisfy my creative soul? Am I where I should be? I knew being a stay/work at home mother was what I wanted for the time being, and that I was blessed to be able to do so, but those questions kept nagging my restless heart. That’s when I realized that my problem was that I was not embracing who I was, but rather fighting it and even feeling ashamed of it. I was worried and tired of comparing myself with others. Truth be told, I was very happy staying at home with my baby! However, this “existential crisis”, as I called it (maybe mid-life?) was impeding me to fully enjoy the amazing journey of motherhood. I found myself thinking that what I studied was unimportant, that it was non-challenging, that I could have been something else, not just an artist...

This forced me to look deeper into my soul to understand where all of this was coming from. I realized I needed to embrace the fact that I was designed this way, that I had the privilege of having constant, innovative ideas flourishing, plus the ability to pull them off! I decided to get off the “comparison train” and learn to embrace my abilities and talents as blessings. Soon after I heard a speaker, Andy Stanley, say something that sealed the deal for me. He said, “When you compare yourself to others, you make excuses. When you compare yourself to yourself, you make progress.” That was it! I had had it! Enough of complaining! Enough of regrets! Enough of downplaying myself!

I am an artist. I am a work-from-home artist and mother and I am grateful! I’m actually one of the few lucky ones! I get to wake up and enjoy a long breakfast with my daughter. I get to turn off the computer when she tugs on my pants “in the office”. I get to witness her milestones the second they happen and delight in the sound of her priceless laughter as soon as it leaves her mouth. 

Yes, I am finally embracing who I am, no longer declaring sheepishly that I am an artist, but proudly and gratefully embracing the gift of creativity and the possibility of merging it flawlessly with motherhood.