Ways in which motherhood has changed me

By the time I got married, I had already moved 15 times in my life. So, you could say change was a constant in my life; the idea of settling down in one place until I died never crossed my mind. I welcomed and expected change every few years. I owe a lot of my emotional growth precisely to these changes that took me anywhere from living in the busiest city in the country to living in a town where, for some people, the most exciting thing to do was going to the mall on a Friday night. No one who's had children will deny that change can be synonymous to parenting, but I thought those changes referred primarily to schedules and day-to-day activities. The moment you were born and I held you, I discovered that I was in for the changes of a lifetime. These are some of the ways motherhood has changed me:

The first time we met.

1. Courage- I remember hearing horrible labor-stories when I was a little girl. I prayed earnestly for years that when I gave birth my babies would come slipping out as if covered in butter. To my pain and discomfort, it was not so. It was hard. Very hard. I had been hoping to deliver naturally and thought I would give birth squatting or in a tub or some really "organic" way. What happened was that as soon the midwife broke my water and stretched me to dilate quicker, I requested through clenched teeth, "I want the epidural, now!!" All the hours I spent in labor had an immediate effect in me. I felt that if I could give birth to a human being, I could conquer the world! A strange sense of courage and empowerment came over me immediately. I remember that when I started auditioning again (which was in a matter of weeks), I went to the auditions with a different attitude. And it paid off! I felt everything was possible and my change in attitude proved to be a door opener. Insects still freak me out, unless they present a hazard my children, in which case I twirl around a few times and become Wonder Woman to the rescue!

2. Sentimental mush- Ok, so on the one hand I had all this new courage, but on the other hand, I was a sentimental mush. I couldn't watch the news and almost any story relating to babies made me cry. I even caught myself shedding a tear or two in commercials! There was something about the fragility of a child, the perfection of a baby, the incomprehensible evil that exists in the world, and on and on. I was elated when ladies I knew got pregnant, when I saw a cute pair of baby shoes or clothes,  when I heard my daughter say her first gurgle, when she caressed my arm for the first time...everything was just so beautiful, sniff.

3. Thirst for knowledge- Yes, I was sort of a nerd in school. But I was the type of less-liked nerd that didn't study that much and still did well (I hope you inherited this from me!). Still, being a mother has made me even more aware of all the things I don't know about in this earth. Maybe I feel like I should know these things for when you ask me... Whatever the reason, I've developed an even bigger sense of curiosity and a desire for learning. Mostly I've been reading about parenting issues, but also about goal setting, dreams, finances, etc. My desire is that I can teach you as much as I can and when I don't know about something, that we can learn about it together.

4. Freedom to be myself- I think that one of the purposes of the pain of labor may be to divert women's attention from the embarrassment of being naked in front of complete strangers. At that moment, you really don't care who's looking at what, you just want to get it over with! I feel that part of that "freedom," so to say of being as you naturally are, stayed with me after the whole birthing experience. It's like I somehow found a sense of "I don't care" that I'm really enjoying. This is me, this is life, this is natural; I don't care. Know what I mean? If not, I don't care! Ha, ha. Maybe it's even a sense of pride in our feminine bodies or the courage I mentioned before. Whatever it is, I feel really comfortable in this new mom skin.

There are many, many other ways in which motherhood has changed me, and I'm sure will continue to change me. I'll add more as I discover them and run out of topics :)