Traveling pregnant - Part II: Hacienda de Caguas

Although we did not have to file taxes in PR in 2008 for work, we did have to report taxes for the house where my husband lived in while in college, which was sold that year and was in his name. We went to pay everything out in Hacienda of Caguas one afternoon, right after arriving in the island. There were a lot of empty parking spaces, but they were for employees, so my husband had to drop me off and I had to walk about five minutes to the building. When I got there, I was happy to see there were very few people and an express lane for pregnant women and people with disabilities. The problem was that they did not accept payment with cards that had the Visa logo. So, I had to walk to another building where there was an ATM in the lobby. I asked the lady what the total amount I owed was and went to the ATM to get the money. The ATM charged me $4 for the transaction.

When I came back to Hacienda, the lady says, “Oh, wait, you have a penalty fee of sixty-something dollars.” So, yes, I had to walk back to the ATM, pay $4 more and walk back to Hacienda. This office is in the basement of a big building, so I did not have cell phone reception to call my husband and tell him what was going on. Upon returning with the money for the fee, the lady of the express lane had closed the lane. She was sitting there and saw me, but did not help me check out. That’s when my heart started pounding quickly. I spoke to the “guard” they have there and asked him about that big sign that said that by law, pregnant women had priority in line. He said that did not work after 3 p.m. I was fuming; I did not know the law was on a schedule…

When I grabbed a chair to sit in line, the guard came and moved me out of the way. There were two people in front of me and one employee, yet I spent 40 minutes in line! When it was finally my turn, a manager comes out. When I complained about waiting in line despite being very pregnant, he said, “They should have let you come up first.” Tell that to your awesome guard!! On my way out, I told the guard that for future cases he could actually advance pregnant women to the front of the line. His reaction? He started screaming at me!! I was so mad I was crying by the time I got to the car. Somehow, this whole process had taken me almost two hours, with only two people in front of me in line. To this day, when I think about this I feel my pulse accelerating. It was horrible!

Traveling pregnant - Part I: Car problems

This is the first of a series of postings where I recount the experiences I had while visiting in Puerto Rico when I was pregnant with my first child. You may be tempted to think I exaggerate or that I’m making these things up. Unfortunately, they are all true. It was one of those trips…

When we headed to PR that year, 2008, we were very excited for all the plans we had and things we were going to do. We may have avoided a lot of mayhem by renting a car, but it wasn’t in our budget. I was about 6 months pregnant. It all started when the pickup truck a family member was letting us borrow, did not have the “marbete.” That meant we could not drive it, until the vehicle passed inspection and we paid the fees for what is similar to the vehicle’s registration process here in the US. Well, turns out someone with an inspection facility (something like the emissions test), who was a friend of a friend, agreed to do the inspection of the car without actually seeing the pickup truck, which hadn’t been used in about a year (I was not happy about this idea).

When we got to the shop, mind you it was not in the same town we were staying at, the guy could not do the inspection because he was not authorized to inspect—with or without the car—diesel vehicles. But, he did know someone, in another town, who could help us out. Did I mention this was all on a Friday, near Christmas, when most people are ready to start celebrating and leave work early? No? Well, keep that in mind for later…

We did find the guy, but he was busy until later in the afternoon, which was ok, because we had just discovered that the vehicle was still in my husband’s name (it was his pickup when we lived there). We had made arrangements the previous year to change this, but it never got done…

That meant we had to find an attorney that would be able to sign an affidavit (the title of the vehicle got lost and we needed a new one), so we could transfer the vehicle to its new owner before we got the marbete. We went to another town and found possibly the last attorney at work, who was literally sleeping in his office with the flu. His secretary typed the whole document with one finger and no hurry whatsoever. I remember because I was desperately needing to go to the bathroom (pregnancy will do that to you) and I could not use theirs because the sleeping attorney was taking a nap and the bathroom was in his chambers.

Finally, at about 4pm, we had all the paper work necessary and were able to get the inspection, title, and make the change of ownership before they closed the office that day. We drove back and forth between four towns to get this done and never even saw the pickup! In the end, they loaned us another car. So, at almost 6 or 7 pm, we were getting ready to head to Mayaguez, where my family had been waiting for us all day. Turns out the car we got, had balled tires!! At that time there was nothing we could do, so we decided to drive slowly and carefully. Traffic helped with the “slowly” part. Twenty minutes into the two-hour drive, we ran into stopped traffic: a car had burned up along the side of the road. Yup, and guess what? We weren’t going anywhere fast and I had to go to the bathroom again. We made it to Mayaguez at about 10 p.m. We were supposed to have been there at about lunch time. And I have spared all the minor details that made the day even more exasperating, like long lines in Hacienda and asking for directions at a gas station and getting lost, traffic everywhere and finding a parking space in town and then walking several blocks to get to the office...

All of this was after I had already had the worst ever government-office experience the day before. That is the story of the next post…

Just humans

By now, you will have probably heard me say the following phrase many times: We are just humans. I want you to understand what I mean when I say this and why I remind it to myself so often. As you grow up, you will come across many, many, many situations that require you to ask for someone else’s assistance, favor, partnership, etc. The quicker you learn to visualize people as “just humans,” the easier it will be to approach others to network and make friends.

The press, mainly the entertainment world, and the way they talk about people sometimes make us forget this. Wealth, possessions, even fashion preferences can sometimes intimidate us from being able to talk to other people with courage, as if they were something “special” because of those things. Aren’t we all just people trying to do the best we can with our lives?

Sometimes we take others and ourselves too seriously. In the end, we all leave the world empty-handed. When you need to make an important phone call, have an interview, an opportunity that requires you to win the favor of someone else, be brave! Do not let appearances, titles and reputations scare you from trying. Even the president is just human. We all need to eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom. We all have parents; we all seek love and approval. We are all just a speck in a speck in this vast universe. Remember that God is with you, so don’t be afraid, be bold, but be humble, and never feel less than others. You can do it, we are all just humans.

Momentos de ternura

Quiero pedirle a mi mente que archive bien los recuerdos de esta mañana,

pues indudablemente serán nublados con el tiempo y las nuevas memorias que de ti vendrán.

¿Cómo encapsular en un instante la ternura de tu carita bajo la luz rosada del amanecer

que se percolaba por la ventana?

Tenías la diadema de las orejitas de Shrek puesta, pero tapándote los ojos. Así que no viste

que había entrado al cuarto.

¿Cómo embotellar y preservar para siempre la expresión de sorpresa y alegría 

cuando me viste sentada junto a ti en tu camita? 

Hoy estabas tan feliz que hasta me dejaste hacerte un moñito, ¡lo lindo que te queda de lado! 

Luego los besitos ricos en la espalda, mientras sentía tus suaves pelitos de lana acariciar mis cachetes. 

Escogiste tu ropa: el trajesito blanco con bolitas de colores. 

También quisiste las medias azules, antes de ponerte tus chanclitas fuchsias y anaranjadas, ¡qué combinación! Aún así, te veías hermosa. 

Tu carita y ojitos se iluminaron cuando encontraste tu peluchito que ora, 

y bailabas alegre cada vez que oprimías el botón, repitiendo siempre el último amén 

con una dulzura que Dios en el cielo gozoso recibió.

Al momento de bajar las escaleras, todo tu séquito de peluches y sábanas querías traer. 

Pero mamá, llévalo tú porque me puedo caer. 

Quisiera que mi mente fuera una cámara digital con memoria ilimitada, 

para recordar cada segundo, cada mirada. 

Que la vida se detuviera más a menudo para simplemente poder olerte, cargarte y añoñarte, 

jugando peekabú entre las sábanas blancas. 

Eres alegría indescriptible, 

ternura inigualable.

English version

I want to ask my mind to safely archive this morning's memories, 

since undoubtedly they will be clouded with time and the new memories of you that will come.

How can I capture in an instant the tenderness of your face under the soft pink light of the morning

as it permeated through the window?

You were wearing the Shrek-ears headband, but covering your eyes. 

So you did not realize I had entered the room.

How do I bottle and preserve forever the expression of surprise and happiness

when you saw me sitting next to you on your bed?

Today you were so happy you even let me put your hair in a ponytail, they look so cute on you to the side!

Then the sweet kisses on your back, as your tiny hairs caressed my cheeks.

You picked out your outfit: the white dress with the multi-colored polka dots. 

You also chose the blue socks, before putting on your fuchsia and orange sandals, what a combination!

Still, you looked beautiful.

Your face and eyes lit up when you found your stuffed animal that prays,

and you danced happily each time you pressed the button,

always repeating the last amen

with a sweetness that God in heaven joyfully received. 

When it was time to go down the stairs, you wanted to bring your entourage of stuffed animals

and blankets. But mom, you carry them or I might fall.

I'd like my mind to be a digital camera with unlimited memory, 

to remember every second, every look.

That life would slow down more often so I could simply smell you, carry you, cuddle you,

playing peek-a-boo under the white sheets.

You are indescribable happiness,

incomparable tenderness.

Attitudes

I just got back from an audition that reminded me of a tough lesson I need to keep learning: it's all about our attitudes. I keep thinking about how my audition should have gone differently and conclude that the main problem was my pessimistic attitude! Instead of having a positive mindset, I immediately told a friend present how much I "hated" these type of cattle-call auditions. Bam! Negative. Had I opted for another approach at the situation, I'm sure I would have been happier with my performance.

It's no use driving myself crazy over this now either, but I want to take this opportunity to talk to you about our attitudes, even in the seemingly less-essential things in life. Paul wrote that a perfect man is capable of refraining his tongue... and that goes even deeper, down into your heart and mind, before it heads out your lips. This learning to refrain and control our thoughts takes practice and going through experiences like the one I had today.

Face life with a positive attitude!

My desire is to be the type of person that infuses others with positive energy, especially my children. I want you to learn to visualize what you want your experiences to be like and then strive to make that idea a reality. For example, I could have thought to myself: "There are many people here (at the audition), but what is the client looking for? What does that look like in my audition? Is it a lot of smiling, energy, excitement?" As I do this, I see myself playing the part, and I start smiling. My confidence is boosted and I'm ready to roll. When the first thing I do is complain, I can only spiral down because I immediately undermine my efforts and boycott myself.

Whatever the situation, always try to keep a positive attitude. Don't make excuses for your behavior, the only place an excuse can take you is backwards. Accept responsibility for what you can control and decide to have a winning attitude. So, I'm going to rock my next audition tomorrow!

...the only place an excuse can take you is backwards.

Update a few days later (March 3)

I got the part! My attitude during the second audition was so different, I have no doubt it was key in getting booked. Stay positive, stay focused, go for it!

Ways in which motherhood has changed me

By the time I got married, I had already moved 15 times in my life. So, you could say change was a constant in my life; the idea of settling down in one place until I died never crossed my mind. I welcomed and expected change every few years. I owe a lot of my emotional growth precisely to these changes that took me anywhere from living in the busiest city in the country to living in a town where, for some people, the most exciting thing to do was going to the mall on a Friday night. No one who's had children will deny that change can be synonymous to parenting, but I thought those changes referred primarily to schedules and day-to-day activities. The moment you were born and I held you, I discovered that I was in for the changes of a lifetime. These are some of the ways motherhood has changed me:

The first time we met.

1. Courage- I remember hearing horrible labor-stories when I was a little girl. I prayed earnestly for years that when I gave birth my babies would come slipping out as if covered in butter. To my pain and discomfort, it was not so. It was hard. Very hard. I had been hoping to deliver naturally and thought I would give birth squatting or in a tub or some really "organic" way. What happened was that as soon the midwife broke my water and stretched me to dilate quicker, I requested through clenched teeth, "I want the epidural, now!!" All the hours I spent in labor had an immediate effect in me. I felt that if I could give birth to a human being, I could conquer the world! A strange sense of courage and empowerment came over me immediately. I remember that when I started auditioning again (which was in a matter of weeks), I went to the auditions with a different attitude. And it paid off! I felt everything was possible and my change in attitude proved to be a door opener. Insects still freak me out, unless they present a hazard my children, in which case I twirl around a few times and become Wonder Woman to the rescue!

2. Sentimental mush- Ok, so on the one hand I had all this new courage, but on the other hand, I was a sentimental mush. I couldn't watch the news and almost any story relating to babies made me cry. I even caught myself shedding a tear or two in commercials! There was something about the fragility of a child, the perfection of a baby, the incomprehensible evil that exists in the world, and on and on. I was elated when ladies I knew got pregnant, when I saw a cute pair of baby shoes or clothes,  when I heard my daughter say her first gurgle, when she caressed my arm for the first time...everything was just so beautiful, sniff.

3. Thirst for knowledge- Yes, I was sort of a nerd in school. But I was the type of less-liked nerd that didn't study that much and still did well (I hope you inherited this from me!). Still, being a mother has made me even more aware of all the things I don't know about in this earth. Maybe I feel like I should know these things for when you ask me... Whatever the reason, I've developed an even bigger sense of curiosity and a desire for learning. Mostly I've been reading about parenting issues, but also about goal setting, dreams, finances, etc. My desire is that I can teach you as much as I can and when I don't know about something, that we can learn about it together.

4. Freedom to be myself- I think that one of the purposes of the pain of labor may be to divert women's attention from the embarrassment of being naked in front of complete strangers. At that moment, you really don't care who's looking at what, you just want to get it over with! I feel that part of that "freedom," so to say of being as you naturally are, stayed with me after the whole birthing experience. It's like I somehow found a sense of "I don't care" that I'm really enjoying. This is me, this is life, this is natural; I don't care. Know what I mean? If not, I don't care! Ha, ha. Maybe it's even a sense of pride in our feminine bodies or the courage I mentioned before. Whatever it is, I feel really comfortable in this new mom skin.

There are many, many other ways in which motherhood has changed me, and I'm sure will continue to change me. I'll add more as I discover them and run out of topics :)